Almost exactly a year ago, on May 7, 2007, Oliver Perez was about to battle the Giants and Barry Zito (remember when he was a starting pitcher?). I asked: Which Ollie would we see, Strike Out Ollie or Walk Ollie? 

What does it say that a year later, that same question has come to define Oliver Perez's character as a pitcher? By now, shouldn't we know which Perez we're going to get? Or, perhaps more importantly, when Walk Ollie rears his ugly head, shouldn't Strike Out Ollie be able to put up some kind of fight?

We haven't seen much "perfect" starting pitching this year so far. Even Johan Santana has had some rocky early innings. But the difference between Johan and Ollie has been that Johan can refocus, rely on a consistent motion, and get himself out of trouble. John Maine has become our pitching poster boy for battling out of a tough jam. We love him for it--how can we not? When he doesn't have his best stuff, he gets by on sheer determination.

On his best days so far, Perez has given us 4 awesome innings. On his worst? He's given us indigestion. Do I agree with Billy Wagner giving him a public call-out? Not exactly. I appreciate Billy's fire and his willingness to show his frustration, and I like that he's spoken his mind about the team. It's the singling out of Perez that I'm not sure should have occurred in a public arena. But the thing is, Wagner's right. We need Perez for more than 4 innings. Period.

So tonight, we better get us some Strike Out Ollie. For at least 6 innings. Or if Perez starts off rocky, then settles down after an inning? I'll take that too.

But we shouldn't keep having to ask Ollie whom he's bringing to the mound tonight.

13-1 loss against the Pirates, eh? To use their language, Arrrrrgh!

It's hard to forget last year's Head Shaving Metscapade (I especially loved that video capturing Shawn Green in the dugout saying "My head is cold, man. I don't like it." Oh, poor Shawn Green. With the ears.) But let's remember why it happened in the first place.

The immediate reason seemed to be that David Wright was slumping. So his teammates gathered together in support. But the ultimate effect was that yes, the team gathered together. Acted as one. Had a laugh, some fun, and relaxed. At least for a moment.

We all know that something isn't clicking. You'll hear people ask "What's the character of the team?" "Who's the leader?" "Where's the comaraderie?" Beyond demands to Fire Willie! Or Get rid of Delgado! Or whatever siren call is blasting on any given day, could the biggest problem be that the team's just plain not enjoying itself anymore?

Have you ever worked a dreary job? Bet you find it hard to focus. Maybe you made some mental mistakes. Except you don't (likely) make millllions of dollars. Or have hundreds of thousands of people who care about your every move. Or have what should be the most awesome job ever.

What can be done? Not to improve the talent, the lineup, the rotation, the bullpen. What can be done to improve the basic energy of the clubhouse? The team needs to feel like a team, which they don't seem to at this moment. Coherence. Spark. Unity. Fun. These are as important right now as--and perhaps prerequisites for--drive and focus.

Just look at 2006. Every other article, interview, blog post talked about the spirit of the Mets, the clubhouse comaraderie, the unity. Call it touchy feely if you want to, but for that year's team, at least, it seemed to bloody well work,

So what do you have to do, boys? Let's try to keep the hair this time, just for appearance's sake. Backyard barbecue? Big *** party? Group finger painting? Some kind of retreat with those annoying "fall into our arms" trust exercises? Poker game? Mud wrestling?

Find it. Do it. Come back to us whole. 

P.S. I can't help it, this is hilarious and a must read for your sophomoric humor side: Things you can say at Shea, but not while having sex. Thanks to Matty for directing me to this site in the first place.