There’s nothing we can do. This season has been one major disappointment after another, on and on, until the only alternative to pulling out our hair is to laugh. So let’s take lemons and make lemonade. Or take crazy ridiculous bad luck and make crazyridiculousbadluckade. Print it out, play with friends, and feel free to email me the results at firstname.lastname@example.org. If any make me laugh out loud, I’ll publish them!
2009 METS MAD LIBS
You know how to play, right? Find a friend, don’t show him or her the Mad Lib, and just ask for responses that fit the italics. Write them in, read, and enjoy. Imagine this broadcast for your New York Mets…What should Gary be saying?
We’ve got to think the 2009 Mets have been cursed by a [noun]. From the moment this
team [verb, past tense] on the field, injuries and [noun, plural] have befallen the Mets
right and left. The latest player on the DL, [2009 Met player], landed there by [verb
ending in -ing] his groin. Can you believe that? These Mets find ways to injure
themselves like you’d never imagine. Mark our words, we think [2009 Mets Player] will
be the next to go down, by simply [verb ending in -ing].
But now to the play on the field. The umpire today seems really [adjective]. How could
he have missed that simple call at first? We have not seen umpiring like this ever. It’s
like they’re using their [body part singular or plural] instead of their eyes. Now we have
[2009 Mets player] stepping up to the plate. Bases loaded with 1 out. And he [verb] into
the double play! Unbelievable. On to the top of the 9th, with the Mets down by
[number]. We’ve got a new pitcher in for the Mets, [2009 relief pitcher]. He’s had an up
and down season, currently with an ERA of [number]. We thought he’d have a better
year, until he [verb, past tense] his last outing and wound up [verb ending in -ing]
three batters. The Mets could have a chance here if they [verb]. They just need to play
tight ball and– Oh no, can you believe it? [2009 Met player] has dropped the ball! That
is just [adjective]. Really, anything that could happen to this [adjective] team has
happened. And yes, yes it looks like [same 2009 Met player as last] has come up lame
on that play. He’s limping and holding his [body part]. I think it’s safe to assume they’ll
call him “day to day” and he’ll miss [number] games. We think someone’s headed for
the Hospital of Special Surgery for a [adjective] MRI. That MRI machine has sure seen
the Mets in some [adjective] positions. Another player down for the NY Mets. Another
error that just might lose this [adjective] game. You just can’t make this stuff up.
I’m not home today, but I’m at a computer where I can follow mlb.com’s Gameday. So I just clicked on it to get my afternoon baseball fix in a tad early. And my first thought was, “Oh, wouldn’t it be so fun if this lineup could knock Cliff Lee around?”
I don’t know if that will actually happen or not, but I was glad my first thought wasn’t, “Oh crap. Cliff Lee’s going to kick our tushes.” (Blame mlblog’s stringent obscenities filter for that “tushes,” not me.) And I realized to my surprise and satisfaction that even in this nightmare of a season, I’m still excited to watch baseball. I’m not quite sure why or how, but I still want to see the few wins our team will eke out, even as they endure some of the worst losses of all time.
I will still watch. I’ll hope our decimated lineup battles hard against some of the league’s best pitchers. I’ll hope we make everyone else’s race to the playoffs that much harder. I’ll hope Daniel Murphy impresses at first, that Parnell passes muster as a starter, that September call-ups give us something fun to imagine for the future.
Meanwhile, did you hear the one about Jeff Francoeur and the MRI? The Hospital for Special Surgery better check out that MRI machine. I’m guessing it does more than scan for injuries. Happy endings, perhaps? Mind-altering euphoria? Because something’s been drawing the Mets to that MRI machine like it’s the 40 virgins promised at the end of Jihad.
Hey Hospital for Special Surgery? Thinking for the future, maybe booby trap the MRI. Make it give electroshocks. Throw in a really bad smell. Let’s just make it less appealing, mmmkay?
Update 4:50 PM: Oh man. Add in a torn ligament for Frenchy and now Santana will miss his next start with elbow trouble and is scheduled to see Dr. Altchek. So about still finding some excitement for baseball? I think the 2 words I’m looking for might be “never mind.”
I’m experimenting with making little videos for the blog. I’m thinking the home-grown editing will be part of the charm…
Here Coop and I travel round Citi Field and gauge fan response. Hint: Drinking is involved.
We met Pick Me Up Some Mets friends Eric and Jonathan–Ollie made Jonathan sad.
And then we hung for a bit with another Mets Diva, Ms. Mets Cow. She looks pretty angry too.
Lastly, don’t miss the new big screen in the open, airy promenade food court area behind home plate. You won’t miss a pitch! Of this troublesome team. Sigh.
Soooooo remember the Mets’ slogan of 2007? That brassy, cocky declaration that “Your season has come”? The Mets have since learned their lesson the hard(est) way, and they no longer base their slogans on events that haven’t happened yet. No, now that enough of the season has passed, the Mets’ crack marketing team has begun its work on the slogan for 2009. Our season has not come. So what will our slogan be instead?
Pick Me Up Some Mets has received these mock-ups exclusively from a source within the organization. Here are the slogan ideas in the running to capture the essence of 2009. Got a favorite?