I love how each of the guys get in a punch-line here.
Ron: “I’m kinda laughing at him.”
Keith: “Oh, airplanes! For a change.”
Tonight Gary takes a rare night off, and it will be just Keith and Ronnie in the booth, left to their own devices…
Sunday was a great day at the ballpark for the Mets, Zoë, Coop, and others. These are the people in your neighborhood. Enjoy.
The Mets’ day on the field, with my own play by play and a break for team store crazy antics:
I will post more about today’s very fun game at a later time. But for now, attention must be paid to the bobblehead rivalry between K-Rod, ’09, and Billy Wagner, ’08. Two closers. Two disappointing years. Two figurines with wobbly heads.
The two closers had a spirited confrontation after today’s game, brought to you exclusively here.
(It sounds like I’m saying “Jonathan Papelbaum.” What, did I want to make him Jewish?)
And speaking of pitchers, look who’s home?!
I missed you John Maine, and I cross all my fingers for your return outing hopefully on Sunday.
There’s nothing we can do. This season has been one major disappointment after another, on and on, until the only alternative to pulling out our hair is to laugh. So let’s take lemons and make lemonade. Or take crazy ridiculous bad luck and make crazyridiculousbadluckade. Print it out, play with friends, and feel free to email me the results at email@example.com. If any make me laugh out loud, I’ll publish them!
2009 METS MAD LIBS
You know how to play, right? Find a friend, don’t show him or her the Mad Lib, and just ask for responses that fit the italics. Write them in, read, and enjoy. Imagine this broadcast for your New York Mets…What should Gary be saying?
We’ve got to think the 2009 Mets have been cursed by a [noun]. From the moment this
team [verb, past tense] on the field, injuries and [noun, plural] have befallen the Mets
right and left. The latest player on the DL, [2009 Met player], landed there by [verb
ending in -ing] his groin. Can you believe that? These Mets find ways to injure
themselves like you’d never imagine. Mark our words, we think [2009 Mets Player] will
be the next to go down, by simply [verb ending in -ing].
But now to the play on the field. The umpire today seems really [adjective]. How could
he have missed that simple call at first? We have not seen umpiring like this ever. It’s
like they’re using their [body part singular or plural] instead of their eyes. Now we have
[2009 Mets player] stepping up to the plate. Bases loaded with 1 out. And he [verb] into
the double play! Unbelievable. On to the top of the 9th, with the Mets down by
[number]. We’ve got a new pitcher in for the Mets, [2009 relief pitcher]. He’s had an up
and down season, currently with an ERA of [number]. We thought he’d have a better
year, until he [verb, past tense] his last outing and wound up [verb ending in -ing]
three batters. The Mets could have a chance here if they [verb]. They just need to play
tight ball and– Oh no, can you believe it? [2009 Met player] has dropped the ball! That
is just [adjective]. Really, anything that could happen to this [adjective] team has
happened. And yes, yes it looks like [same 2009 Met player as last] has come up lame
on that play. He’s limping and holding his [body part]. I think it’s safe to assume they’ll
call him “day to day” and he’ll miss [number] games. We think someone’s headed for
the Hospital of Special Surgery for a [adjective] MRI. That MRI machine has sure seen
the Mets in some [adjective] positions. Another player down for the NY Mets. Another
error that just might lose this [adjective] game. You just can’t make this stuff up.
I’m not home today, but I’m at a computer where I can follow mlb.com’s Gameday. So I just clicked on it to get my afternoon baseball fix in a tad early. And my first thought was, “Oh, wouldn’t it be so fun if this lineup could knock Cliff Lee around?”
I don’t know if that will actually happen or not, but I was glad my first thought wasn’t, “Oh crap. Cliff Lee’s going to kick our tushes.” (Blame mlblog’s stringent obscenities filter for that “tushes,” not me.) And I realized to my surprise and satisfaction that even in this nightmare of a season, I’m still excited to watch baseball. I’m not quite sure why or how, but I still want to see the few wins our team will eke out, even as they endure some of the worst losses of all time.
I will still watch. I’ll hope our decimated lineup battles hard against some of the league’s best pitchers. I’ll hope we make everyone else’s race to the playoffs that much harder. I’ll hope Daniel Murphy impresses at first, that Parnell passes muster as a starter, that September call-ups give us something fun to imagine for the future.
Meanwhile, did you hear the one about Jeff Francoeur and the MRI? The Hospital for Special Surgery better check out that MRI machine. I’m guessing it does more than scan for injuries. Happy endings, perhaps? Mind-altering euphoria? Because something’s been drawing the Mets to that MRI machine like it’s the 40 virgins promised at the end of Jihad.
Hey Hospital for Special Surgery? Thinking for the future, maybe booby trap the MRI. Make it give electroshocks. Throw in a really bad smell. Let’s just make it less appealing, mmmkay?
Update 4:50 PM: Oh man. Add in a torn ligament for Frenchy and now Santana will miss his next start with elbow trouble and is scheduled to see Dr. Altchek. So about still finding some excitement for baseball? I think the 2 words I’m looking for might be “never mind.”
I’m experimenting with making little videos for the blog. I’m thinking the home-grown editing will be part of the charm…
Here Coop and I travel round Citi Field and gauge fan response. Hint: Drinking is involved.
We met Pick Me Up Some Mets friends Eric and Jonathan–Ollie made Jonathan sad.
And then we hung for a bit with another Mets Diva, Ms. Mets Cow. She looks pretty angry too.
Lastly, don’t miss the new big screen in the open, airy promenade food court area behind home plate. You won’t miss a pitch! Of this troublesome team. Sigh.
Soooooo remember the Mets’ slogan of 2007? That brassy, cocky declaration that “Your season has come”? The Mets have since learned their lesson the hard(est) way, and they no longer base their slogans on events that haven’t happened yet. No, now that enough of the season has passed, the Mets’ crack marketing team has begun its work on the slogan for 2009. Our season has not come. So what will our slogan be instead?
Pick Me Up Some Mets has received these mock-ups exclusively from a source within the organization. Here are the slogan ideas in the running to capture the essence of 2009. Got a favorite?
Ah, the best moment by far in the All-Star game coverage. Ichiro Suzuki’s expression alone is worth the video post. Also, sorry, but Derek Jeter pulled the classic “I’m trying to seem less nervous than I am” move of just repeating what Obama said to him. Obama: “Congratulations.” Jeter: “Congratulations to you.” For what, Jeter, the presidency? Little late on that one? It’s like when someone tells you, “Have a good trip,” and you’re like “You too!” and of course the other person’s going nowhere…
Boo on Fox for not showing our David Wright shaking hands with Barack Obama. You know he was grinning like a puppy, ear to ear.
No matter whom he’s greeting, though, Barack Obama is so super cool. I love that later on he wore the jacket of his team, the White Sox, unabashedly. And then admitted he likes that his wife thinks he looks cute in it. I agree with Michelle!
Fresh after ending a big freelance project, I am temping today. Temping is sometimes fine and boring, and rarely excruciating and boring, but my agency folks are very good to me, so I can’t complain. But for this very moment, with my personal email unavailable and my pricey temp skills not needed, all I have to do is think…and blog.
So about them Mets. We’re in a valley. Not a crevice, mind you! Just a valley. But let’s take it for what it’s worth–another moment in Mets lore, another obstacle for us fans to overcome that will make our bonds and our narrative stronger in the end. For instance, I became a Mets fan in 2003. Remember 2003? The Mets sucked. Piazza wasn’t even playing much, with his groin all old and cranky. We had Uncle Cliffy, whom I loved, but really who else is worth mentioning? Still, when I tell people when I became a Mets fan, they all get the same look. “Really? Oh, we sucked then.” And I get a pat on the back–I became a fan when we weren’t anything near frontrunners. Because if there’s anything a Mets fan hates…it’s a frontrunner. A fair weather fan. A…well usually…a Yankees fan.
For a while there, we had hope. Tons of hope, lasting all season! Only to be dashed at the end. And yes, that’s harder than having no hope at all. But look where we are now! Measured expectations! We’re suddenly marginally satisfied by mediocre play instead of really crappy play. It’s still a punch in the gut when steady-Freddy Livan Hernandez amasses an ERA of about 30 over his last 3 starts. It’s still an “oomf” moment when K-Rod nearly gives up a save, and trust me, I’m going to swat a hand at the TV every time Ollie walks a batter. And yes, we still yell with exasperation when each Met gets his turn to drop a pop up. But in five years, we’ll be saying, “Remember 2009? With the injuries and the complete lack of fundamentals? Oh, that was a toughie. But we made it.” We’ll react to 2009 the way people react now to 2003 when I tell them my Mets fan origin story. And things will get better.
Even in 2005 we would have taken our current position, 5.5 games back at the All-Star break-ish, with a nod of–if not acceptance, at least not of despair. We’re 4 games below .500. We’re not a good team right now. But there’s still time to come back! There really is! Every non-Nationals team in the NL East is still in the running. And here we are still in the running with mediocre expectations. So maybe we’ll be surprised? Maybe the worst has passed? And they’ll get their acts together? And maybe sooner rather than later–maybe in September!–we can pat each other on the back again and say, “Man, remember the first half of the season? That sure sucked. But we’re still here!”
I haven’t given up on 2009 yet. At best, our lowered expectations will pay off with surprise gutsy wins. And at worst, we’ll have a year to commiserate over in the future. We’re Mets fans. As I’ve learned, that’s what we do.
Okay, this is more fun because the blown save didn’t cost us the game (phew!) but Mets’ announcers Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez’s broadcast exchange about Anthrocon ’09 was not to be missed (unlike Tim Redding’s pitching performance).
Last night Kevin Burkhardt (@KBurkhardtSNY) tweeted, to my delight: “Our hotel in Pitt
is overrun by people dressed up as animals. Anthrocon? And they act as
animals. I have seen it all and I am freaked out.” That’s right. Along with the Mets, a certain hotel in Pittsburgh was also hosting Anthrocon, a convention of thousands of people who like to dress up…as furry stuffed animals. And do…well, I don’t want to know what, actually.
Thankfully, this…unusual…gathering didn’t miss the Mets broadcast the next day, when Gary and Keith got to have a bit of fun with the furries, spurred on by a camera shot of the Pirate Parrot.
Here’s the transcript, just to make sure you didn’t miss it.
Gary (of the Parrot): One of many animal figures in town today.
Keith: We saw a few of them in the hotel, didn’t we?
Gary: The strangest convention I’ve ever seen is at our hotel here in Pittsburgh. You know you travel around the country and see parts of society and our culture that you never would have encountered anywhere else. There’s a group of people about 4,000 strong convening in Pittsburgh this week–people who dress up as stuffed animals.
Keith: They’re cuddly bears. They like to cuddle.
Gary: There’s birds, and dogs and wolves.
Keith: What are they called, ferriers? Alls I know is I got in the elevator with four of ‘em, and the odor was horrific.
Gary: Not the Pirate Parrot, he’s an actual mascot.
Keith: I had to get off. I’m not lying. I got on at the 17th floor, going down. I had to jump off at the 10th floor. I almost passed out.
Gary: Guess those costumes don’t breathe very well…But it was something. We walked into the hotel last night, coming from Milwaukee, and there was a person in a wolf costume. And there was another person in a dog costume.
Keith: I saw a guy with his pet beaver. He had it in his hand. He was stroking it, he was petting it. I’m serious! It was like a stuffed animal, and he was comforting it. Very bizarre.
Gary: It’s a different world.